


strawberry kisses

by allforthegay



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Gay, Gay Male Character, Hospitals, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:07:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 3,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26062402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allforthegay/pseuds/allforthegay
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 7
Kudos: 64





	1. Neils pov

Neil was trying on the clothes andrew bought for him to wear at eden’s when he saw something at the bottom of the bag and pulled it out.  
It was a light pink dress with strawberry’s printed onto it. He didn’t really know what to think of this. He thought it might just be something nicky bought him, that wouldn’t be strange for him, come on, you know Nicky.  
He went out the bathroom to check with Andrew anyways.  
What he saw then was not what he expected.  
Andrew was blushing. He looked so innocent and adorable like that, it suited him. Neil realised that it was ,in fact, from Andrew.  
He stepped back into the bathroom to try on the dress.

Although Neil didn’t think so, it suited him.  
He really didn’t want to go out and show Andrew, as he didn’t want to disappoint him with how ‘weird’ he looked.  
It took him a few minutes to build up the courage, but eventually he did, and stepped outside to show Andrew.

He would do anything to see Andrews response again.

His face lit up and He was smiling so much. before Andrew new what he was doing, he rushed over to Neil, slammed him against the wall and smashed his lips against the other boys.  
‘wow’  
you really like tha-‘  
Before he could finish his sentence, Andrew was kissing him again. more fiercely this time, with more desperation, like he would die if it ever stopped.  
Neil kisses back with just as much passion.  
They carried on like this for a few more minutes until andrew pushed away and mumbled  
‘i hate you’  
Neil kissed the smaller boys neck.  
‘you love me really’  
especially like this.’ And with that, he walked off smiling to himself


	2. Andrews pov

When Andrew had gone shopping with Nicky to get clothes for neil to wear at Eden’s, he had not expected to be buying a rather expensive pink strawberry dress in neils size.  
What surprised him most, was not the fact that he had bought the dress in the first place, he had done that before but never been able to give Neil the dress, just returned it to the shop the next day. It was that he actually gave him the dress this time.  
He was honestly he gave Neil the dress sooner, because fuck he look hot in it.

He had slipped it into the bag wit the rest of the clothes for the evening.   
He briefly regretted not giving Neil the dress himself as he thought he might think it was from Nicky and just ignore it. But that didn’t happen, instead Neil went to ask Andrew what it was for. Any regrets he had disappeared when he saw the small smile that played on Neil’s lips when he saw Andrew blush furiously at the sight of him just holding the dress. That smile alone was enough to set his heart on fire.

Neil went back into the bathroom, to try on the clothes Andrew had got him, as the blush was the only answer he needed as to who the dress was from.  
Andrew started to worry a bit though. What if Neil didn’t wear the dress? What if he had made it awkward by buying the dress in the first place?   
He knew it was all in his head, but it still worried him.

Around six minutes had passed and he was starting to worry again as Neil still wasn’t out of the bathroom.   
But just As he was about to knock on the door, Neil stepped out, wearing the pink strawberry dress.  
He looked perfect. That boy was his. His to look after. His to love. His to touch.

Andrew didn’t know what took over him, he wasn’t normally this impulsive. But before he knew what he was doing, he had shoved Neil up against the wall and slammed his lips against the taller boys. 

Neil started to say something but Andrew wasn’t listening.   
He kissed him, hard. With more passion than before, like he would die if it ever stopped.  
Eventually he pulled back, and mumbled something into Neils chest.  
‘I hate you’  
Neil smirked.  
‘I know you love me really. Especially like this’  
He stepped out from under Andrew and started making his way out of there dorm room, when he turned around and said, ‘maybe I’ll wear this to Eden’s instead of that other boring outfit?’


	3. Neils pov

As Neil walked out of there dorm, he realised, with with a small rush of panic, he was still wearing the strawberry dress. Obviously, he knew that he hadn’t just magically changed into his old clothes but he hadn’t been thinking probably about stuff other than, well, andrew.  
‘Shit’ he muttered under his breath.  
What would the other foxes think? Would they tease him, take the piss? Well probably not but the thought still bothered him.   
Anyways, it was to late to back out because he was already opening the door to the upperclassmen’s room. 

Dan, Renee and Matt (Alison was out getting her nails done) were all watching tv so they didn’t notice him come in straight away, but turned around when they heard the door creak shut.  
Matt turned off the tv.   
‘Well, this is new.’ He said.  
‘Yeah’ Dan said slyly.   
‘What’s up with the new look, Neil?’  
He looked at Renée for help, but all she could offer was a knowing smile.  
He was considering asking her how she knew but stopped when Allison burst into the room, and whistled appreciatively when she saw Neil.

‘So, when did Nicky get you the dress?’ Matt asked   
‘Nicky? Wha-‘ Neil said, confused, but Renée nodded at him as if to say ‘just go with it, they don’t need to know yet.’  
‘Oh, yeah. He put it in the bag with the rest of my clothes for Eden’s’  
‘You wearing the clothes for Eden’s orrr?’  
Matt asked, genuinely not sure.  
Neil coughed awkward. ‘Er uh..’ he paused considering what to say next. ‘I’m not really sure.’  
What would Andrew want? I mean, he seemed pretty happy when Neil said he would wear the dress to Eden’s. But what if something happened, like what happened with Nicky.   
It didn’t scare him that he could get hurt if he wore it, what scared him, terrified him even, was that there could be a repeat of last time and that would mean Andrew could get in serious trouble.   
One time was one thing, but a second time. Well that would be awful.

What made this harder, was that he was starting to like the dress, how it felt on his bare skin, the way it moved when he walked. And most of all how much andrew loved it. He loved how his face lit up when he saw him in it. He didn’t want to loose andrew because of one stupid decision he made because he liked a stupid dress.   
He just didn’t want to take it off.

He was so busy worrying about what might happed, he had zoned out and hadn’t been listening to what the upperclassmen were saying to him. What bought him back down to earth was dan clapping loudly in his face.   
‘You okay?’ She asked.  
‘Y-yeah, I’m fine.’  
She snorted trying to hold back a laugh.   
‘Sure you are. Like how you were fine, not having a complete breakdown, when Andrew gave you that phone.’  
He was gonna start arguing with her when Andrew came into the room, looking like nothing had happened and said, ‘Neil. Come.’


	4. Kevin and nickys pov

Kevin’s pov:  
‘What the fuck’  
Neil stepped into the car, wearing a long fucking pink strawberry dress.  
‘NICKY.’ Kevin shouted.  
He laughed and held his hands up defensively.  
‘What!? He looks so good in it!’  
Nicky exclaimed.   
They pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive to Columbia.   
‘Neil, however much I don’t like you, I’m not letting you wear that out.  
‘Keeeevinnnn’ Nicky whined.  
‘Don’t make him take it off, he looks so good.’   
Andrew, Neil and Aaron had been quite this whole time. 

‘Maybe I’ll drink this time’ Neil said quietly, to change the subject.  
We all knew he wouldn’t. Andrew smirked, quietly, but loud enough so he could hear it.  
He didn’t say anything after that, just tugged at his dress awkwardly.  
No one said anything after that.

Nickys pov:  
I mean, yes, he was tempted to buy Neil a dress, but he definitely did not buy him this one, and he really wasn’t sure who had.

He definitely knew who hadn’t bought it though.   
It couldn’t be Kevin, because your know, he’s Kevin.  
And well Aaron. Imagine him buying something for Neil. something nice for him.  
It couldn’t be Andrew, they did not particularly like each other and the only reason Andrew buys him clothes in the first place, is so he doesn’t make them all stand out.

It was probably just one of the girls, maybe Allison.   
But he was fine with them all thinking it was him, after all it was a very ‘Nicky’ thing to do.

Neil looked hot in a dress. Nicky was happy to take responsibility for that.

No one had really spoken much and they were almost at the diner so there wasn’t really much point trying to start up a conversation.  
Instead he texted Neil.

Nicky: Who got you to wear the dress?  
It was one of the girls?   
Wish I had thought of buying you one.

Neil: yeh sure. It was allison

Nicky: hAH. I knew it!!

Neil: everyone thinks u got it for me. Why go along w it?

Nicky: Because it’s fun?  
Also you look sexy in a dress so I’m cool w taking all the credit for that.

Of course he didn’t reply to that, but they were just pulling up to the diner now so it was fine.


	5. Neil's pov

Neil's pov  
\- time skip to going into eden's-

Fuck, why did I do this? Why did I wear this stupid dress? Neil though to himself  
They clearly all hated it, except for Andrew, obviously, and Nicky. But he thought it was from Allison.  
And it these guys weren't keen then imagine the reaction at Eden's.

It was to late now ti change though. They were pulling up now and he hadn't bought a change of clothes either him.  
'Fuck me' he murmured as they walked into the club.

They were greeted with a fair amount of stares but no one looked like they wanted to hurt him, so that's always good.  
'Well tonight's gonna be something.'  
Aaron complained.

'Hey' Andrew said to Roland as him and Neil walked up to the bar to get there drinks   
'So why did you buy him that dress?' Roland asked, so casually, like he expected something like this to happen.  
'Wha- how did you-?'   
Neil started to say, but got interrupted by Roland saying,  
'Me and Andrew hooked up ages ago.'  
Well this was a surprise. He hadn't thought that they used to get together.   
Neil started to say something, but decided there was no point as he doubted they would tell him anything else.  
'O-okay?'  
'Be careful wearing that, though.  
'Don't want anything to happen, like what happened with Nicky.'

'Hurry up, I need something to drink.'  
Andrew said briskly.

He turned towards Andrew.   
'Dont let there be a repeat of last time.   
I can take care of myself and make sure nothing bad happens."  
'Yeah.' Andrew replied. 'You've done a great job of thet so far sweetheart'  
'You love it though.' He teased. 'Almost as much as you love me in this dress.'  
Andrew blushed but Neil hadn't seen as he had already turned around to get there tray of drinks.


	6. Neil's pov and Andrew's pov

\- time skip to after they came back from Edens bc I had no idea what to write for that, but we have a brief summary:  
People were being very, very horrible to Neil and then Andrew got very angry, so Neil had to calm him down and it was to much for him to deal with. -

TRIGGER WARNING, MENTIONS OF SELF HARM.

Neil's pov:  
Neil did something he hadn't done since the first time he went to Eden's.  
He hitch hiked all the way back to palmetto state university.

He did something he hadn't done in what felt like forever when he got home.  
He cut himself.

He did something he had never done before.  
He called wymack to ask for help.

Something happens that had never happened before.  
It went straight to voicemail

For the first time in ages, Neil felt completely alone.

Andrew's pov:  
When Andrew woke up at their house in Columbia, Neil wasn't there.  
At first this didn't seem weird, he was probably just out for a run. But two hours later, he still wasn't back.

Andrew wanderd downstairs to ask Aaron, Nicky and Kevin if they knew where he was.  
'Wheres Neil'   
Aaron laughed 'why would I know?'  
'Niicky.' Andrew said, trying to hide his worry.  
'Nope. Have you tried calling him?'  
It had crossed his mind to call Neil but he rarely answers his phone, even if it is him.  
Andrew walked off, back to his room.

When he got to his room, he called Neil.  
He didn't pick up.  
He tried again.  
Still no answer.  
Damn it Neil, Andrew thought. Why cant you just pick up for once.  
He was really starting to stress now.

He stormed downstairs.   
'Tell me where he is.'  
'Like we said, we dont know.' Aaron said lazily.  
'Called coach?' Nicky asked helpfully.  
'No.  
'I guess I'll do that now.'

When he called wymack, he picked up on the third ring.  
'Where is he!!?' Andrew almost shouted.  
Wymack sighed.   
'I don't know. He called me at like 3am but I was sleeping so I couldn't pick up.'  
'Have you called him back? Have you asked the others if they know where hes at?'  
'No.' He paused.  
'Could he have just gone out for a run?'  
Andrew tried to stop him self from shouting, but failed miserably.  
'DO YOU REALLY THINK HE WOULD HAVE CALLED YOU IF HE WAS OKAY!? We are going back to PSU now, and then we are looking for him.  
'Check his dorm.'

'Get in the car'  
Is all Andrew said before grabbing the keys and walking out the house.  
'WAKE UP KEVIN!' He shouted from the car.  
Once they were on the road, Kevin finally said something.  
'What the hell is going on?'  
'Hah, well, Neil ran off, probably hitch hiked back to palmetto state. And then he fucking called wymack in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. so yeah, that's it.'


	7. Andrew's pov

Andrew's pov:  
Wymack was calling, so he picked up.   
'The girls and Matt don't know where he is. How long till your back?'  
Andrew swore under his breath 'half an hour. Don't go into his dorm until I'm back. I'll look in there.'  
He seemed sceptical, but he agreed, so Andrew didn't worry to much.  
He hung up.

When they got back to Palmetto, Andrew didnt even bother to park properly, or legally. He ran out of the car to look for his boyfriend. He didnt know if the others had followed him up, he didn't care. He just wanted Neil to be okay, that's all that mattered to him right now.

Neil was not okay, he learnt that as soon as he stepped into the room.  
Andrew had seen Neil look worse than this, but he knew that he did this to himself, because of Andrew and that stupid fucking strawberry dress.   
Neil cut himself, badly, and that's why it hurt so much.

Thank god the others had followed him upstairs because he was to helpless to call anyone and get help.   
Nicky called abby, kevin called wymack and Aaron got the others.

Andrew did not cry, he didnt feel things this much. But he was sobbing on the floor of his boyfriend's room.  
He stood up and walked over to Neil and started rocking him gently.  
Andrew didn't care if everyone saw him do this, he just wanted to comfort Neil, to comfort himself. He needed this.

He turned around. 'Stop fucking staring and help him.'


	8. Renee's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING, MENTIONS OF SELF HARM AND CUTS

Renee's POV:  
It all started when Neil came into their room. Her, Dan and Matt (Allison was out with her Friends somewhere) were watching a movie when Neil walked in wearing a long, pink strawberry dress.  
He actually looked quite good in it, she thought.

Obviously Andrew had bought it for him. she knew none of the others would, not even nicky. 

When he looked at her, asking for help, all she could offer was a small, knowing smile.

She was glad he had gotten Neil the dress. Andrew had wanted to get him one for ages and now he finally had.  
He wouldn't show it, but she knew he was very happy about this.

-Time skip to the next morning- 

Someone was knocking at their door, twisting the handle to see if it would open.  
Who would be wanting to see them this early on a Saturday?

Dan got up and answered the door.  
Although she couldn't hear most of what he was saying, she knew it was Aaron and he sounded pretty urgent.  
The door shut.

Dan came into their room. 'Get up, we need to go to Neil's dorm for something'  
She said. 'I'll wake up Matt, you two go outside with Aaron.'

Allison started to complain but got up and went out anyways.  
Well, it must be important if Aaron, of all people, was coming to their dorm to get them out.

None of them had any idea what was happening, but they went outside anyways.  
What they saw what not what they were expecting.  
Neil, unconscious on the floor and Andrew holding him gently.

Renee didnt know what to do, but she knew trying to help Andrew would not do any good, so she just stood there.  
'Dont just fucking stand there, help him.'  
He said, trying to hide his desperation.

Wymack got out his phone and called 911


	9. Neil's pov

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> neil wakes up at the hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its legit been 5 months since i wrote something for this lmaooo  
> i didn't actually plan on writing any more, but yunno.  
> i was bored so why not.

Neil

I was in the hospital when I woke up. I had no idea what day it was, what time it was and what the absolute fuck had just happened.  
I didn't remember anything apart from the fact that all of us went to Eden’s and I came back to the dorms by myself and something happened.  
I didn’t remember why i was here, only the fact that everything hurt, especially my wrists and arms.  
Oh.  
That adds up.  
Andrew was there. He was there. That's all that matters. He was in a place that he hated, for him.   
“Finally.”  
“A-andrew? You're here? Why? What happened?”  
I needed to know properly what I had done.  
“I'm getting a nurse.” He said and walked out the room. “Then I'll get wymack.”

“I’ve got to get the fuck out of here. Now”  
I was starting to panic, no one had properly told me how long I had been in here. At least I know why.  
“Josten, do you even know how long you were out for?”  
Wymack said. Well obviously fucking not because no one had decided to goddamn clue me in.  
“2 days. 2 fucking days. You almost died, you're not coming out for like another week at best.”  
ANOTHER FUCKING WEEK. JESUS.  
“But- what about ex-”  
“Your not playing fucking exy, not for a long time.”  
“But-”  
“No. even kevin has enough common sense to not ask if you can play.  
“The others will come round in a bit, you’ve clearly got shit to talk about with them”

Matt, Dan, Renee, Allison and Nicky came rushing in, with Aaron and Kevin just behind them. Andrew had stayed there the whole time and Wymack had gone home and was coming back with Abby later if I felt like it.  
“NEIL ARE YOU OKAY?” Matt asked straight away.  
“He’s in hospital, you don’t need to be a genius to figure out the answer to that.”  
Aaron replied.  
“I’m fine, i’ve just gotta get out of this goddamn place” i said, i was already tired, but i hadn’t seen them for a while and they were worried so whatever  
“Neil fucking Josten, your not playing exy, im not letting you be the reason we dont win our games”  
Kevin said, there was no point trying to argue and i didnt have the energy anyways.  
“For once” Nicky said, “Kevin’s right, but not because we don't want to lose, though. Because we don't want you to almost die again”

Andrew had stayed silent through all of this, fair enough.  
“You owe me money, Nicky” Allison said.  
“What did you bet on now?”  
It was obvious, but I may as well ask.   
“You and Andrew, obviously”  
Of-fucking-course. They would not stop with the betting, even if i was literally dying  
Aaron just smirked  
“Lets go guys” Renee said “Neil needs to rest now. We can come back later or tomorrow”  
Finally, i was really fucking exausted.  
“Neil, would you like me to get Andrew to leave?” Renee asked  
“Its fine, he’s fine. Thanks though.”  
“Okay, see you. I hope you feel better”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry for how awful this probably was. i cba to get someone to beta read it and i hate rereading what i write lol so apologies if this is awful.  
> it was kinda fun to write so i might do more chapters at some point.
> 
> Follow my Instagram @heartstoppersonnetflix and my tumblr @neil-idontswing-josten
> 
> Thanks, oil x


	10. Chapter 10

Neils pov

One week had never felt so goddamn long.  
I had been stuck in bed for 3 days in the stupid fucking hospital. I couldn’t go out for a run, i couldnt play exy, i couldn’t do fucking anything.  
I know it’s hurting Andrew to be here. It’s hurting me to watch him stuck in this place, but I know I can't ask him to go home, he already feels like he’s failed. It would kill him if he went home.   
It’s not his fault. It’s my own, i fucking overreacted. I couldn’t handle wearing a dress for one night, its fucking pathetic.  
I know Andrew loved me in that dress.  
I hope that dress gets fucking burned.  
I hope Andrew burnes it.  
Not gonna lie. That would be hot.

He has barely left my side. He would fucking kill anyone who went neer me if we didnt know them.   
The upperclassmen are coming round later. Kevin came round earlier to show me some games I missed.   
When the fuck can i go back to exy.  
I need to get back.  
I need to be able to slam the ball down the court.   
I need to be able to destroy the other team with everyone else’s help.  
I need to feel that familiar rush I get at the beginning of every game.  
I need to get out.  
I need to run.

I hate this so much.  
I've gotta get out.  
Four more days. only four more days. A whole four more days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is legit 250 words, like half a page, im v sorry.   
> i had a *massive* headache and no energy.  
>  i sorry this is so poorly written jfdhjfj ill try post a better chapter tomorrow 
> 
> -oli


End file.
